As fall drifted into winter, and I watched the green turn brown and wither. I realized that was me, emotionally and spiritual, I was dead inside. I was a horse crazy child that had many model horses and my little ponies. I remember when I was thrilled to touch my pony through the the fence and was able to start riding. I had a wonderful teacher who taught me a lot, she opened that door of knowledge. But i strayed far from that happy horse place and became someone who has been unhappy and very emotional through horses. I hated when i hit a problem and i couldn’t solve it in a few days. I pushed myself more and more to be that “Horseman” the go to person so many respected and wanted.
But i started to hate every thing to do with horses, handling, training and the oh so many questions that new horse people ask. I realized i had a problem and i no longer had that thrill, that happiness. I was a black hole of negativity, one of the sources of the problem. That wasn’t good, that was like waving a red flag in front of a bull.
So this winter i started to look deep inside myself and really think and even dream. I broke my habit of WWTD (what would trainers do?) and started asking myself to really think about things. Listen to my heart, not my over worked little voice in my head.
As of now my own personal journey has led me towards better fitness, and wanting to find my spiritual self as well. Sometime change happens for a reason, and it is for the better.
