A Hope

 

every one has had that feeling before, we as people seem to live for it. Through our most darkest hour, a sliver of hope is all we need to get by.

For 3 years I never had it, I completely lost it and started to wonder IF any thing would ever come back to place!

Last week (school started for the kids) my husband thought it be interesting to see how Belladonna would take to him handling her. Well some know that they have a very fine line of love and hate, to the point the mare at times tries to kill him. Belladonna is what she is, a one person horse that tolerates others to a point.

She tolerated the husband through the 30 mins of his play time but every chance she had she look at me with the look of  "Make him stop"

I realized also part of her issues is that I am protective of her and knew I needed to step back and allow this to happen. She tolerated him well but let him know that she ONLY allowed this because she had a mind too, anything else would of resulted in a big fit throwing baggage welding mare who pulls out all the stops.

He is taking the tack off her but you can see her displeasure of him even touching her.

It been 2 years since she worn a saddle and took to it like we saddle up all the time. BUT I am looking to get a English saddle because of her short back.

Again she shows her displeasure of him making her move, He was trying to ground driver her and she was NOT going for it.

Her look of "Make him stop!" and which would lead to her trying to pull away from him and come to me.

I made the mistake in standing near her and she stopped. Do you see how she tighten up and ready to refuse?

Yet there is hope because all through this she TOLRATED it, with out kicking, pulling or throwing a huge hissy fit that would of ended her trying to kick the living hell out of the husband.

She is in deep trouble yet again

When you hear your husband cussing and the sound of a banging gate, that is not a good sign.

Yet again Belladonna killed the hot fence this time taking no prisoners and taking off 4 adapters with her fury. <laughs>

Husband was standing on the front deck and Belladonna walked up to the fence looked at him and just went for the (not hot) hot fence. ripping it completely off the fence line and stomped the crap out of it.

So when I heard the husband cussing I raced out and saw that he was picking up the hot tape, I guessed what happen.

and right at the gate stood Belladonna the innocent, acting as if nothing had happen.  Again her behavior has changed more this year then in recent years, she becoming more like a donkey then a horse. She has also grown, I use to be able to look over her withers but now her withers come almost to my forehead. People say horses stop growing by 5, well apparently she took a 2 year vacation on the growth bug and now she growing again.

so when does a horse actually stop growing?

The Past Rant

Belladonna and her sister Bruja in Oct 2004.

Pretty wild huh? This was taken a month after we got our wild ones.

Bubba, one of the wild mustang geldings that had baggage that was deadly.

It took me from Sept. to January to build a safe and sane partnership and that was ripped a part by his org. adopter.

He taught me one thing, you have a 1K horse coming at you to do damage you better learn to scale 6 foot high fences QUICK.

Do I blame him? NO, because he was made into this monster. Any person in a pen would cause him to get upset. If you kept a safe distances you be okay.

But get more into his space and he start to wrinkle his nose and twitch a left ear Not pinning his ears back but twitching a left ear. That fooled me about a handful of times until I learned that was HIS way of telling me he about to come unglued.

But in 4 months we finally built a bond and softness, then he was ripped away. He was the first horse to teach me that one has to always be different in approaches and that not all ways will work.

Tule was a 8 year old mustang gelding who was cold. He had no emotion at all but one. that was his pissed off mode and when a look lbs mini draft comes at you the earth rumbles. Tule org people were good but never finished his training and taught him to hate ropes. Tule loved peppermints and once he realized that myself and husband weren't going to inflict pain he started to be a huggable bear. and that are touches were good things, he also learned to be haltered up like a pro.

BUT all these horses I no longer have or know where they are at. It bugs me because I want to know how and if they are okay. I made a mistake in 2006 trusting  family members with a verbal agreement on my mustangs and that beyond blew up, to the point they felt that trying to sell them behind my back was the only way. I had only enough money to get Belladonna and Colby back, even though the deal was set in stone and I gave them 2K worth of panels to secure a months boarding and hauling to Montana. My father in-law was suppose to get Bruja and Tule for hunting and if he didn't want them to return them, well they went from him to another relative who made the choice to sell everyone. Do you know how traumatizing that is to have a e-mail in your box with all your horses for sale? I told the person I knew of it because I didn't want a fuss started but that didn't happen. another person found out and send a rude e-mail to them and that went from bad to a living hell. I almost lost every one and I feel still to this day like my world been turned upside down.  I have been wondering for 3 years where Tule, Bruja and Sundance are. who took them and if they are in safe homes.

My poor mare on the day we got transport to get her and Colby was flipped and butt roped and snubbed to a trailer, to get loaded. Colby took 20 minutes to load and I was 1K miles away. This was the first time I saw my burro and mare in 6 months and I am still harassed that I still owe those morons money etc, because they broke the verbal contract.

This was Belladonna late Aug 2006

same date as above

same date as above

Can anyone see the difference in her from this pictures? She cold and stiff, ready to battle.

Belladonna, Tule and Sunny's butt in April 2006

During that bad few months of rain and rain and rain taken on the first day of SUNSHINE!

I was also accused of starving them, do they look starved or abuse?

Tule aka fatt a$$. this one and the one above was taken 2 weeks before we moved to Montana.

Sundance, he looks starved right?

I have always wonder why and  how people can do what has happen to me? How can people justice themselves when they accused a person of abuse and starving?

I was also told all the mustangs I had were Sh$t animals and that I need to off load them and I said no. My horses were fine but Sunny. Who carried the baggage of abuse and scars to prove that he wasn't going to start new for anything.

What made it okay to traumatize me and take my animals away? was it jealousy or greed? These people had their own horses and breeding farm, yet it seems that my mustangs they sold went fast and none of their stock was sold. I have to wonder if greed was it, yet that greed cost me heartache, pain and a mental breakdown for a while.

and still brings tears to my eyes still seeing these pictures. They all are the reason why I started my journey and barefoot trimming, because each of them told me of their time of being mishandled, beat and scared so bad they do a body shake. No animal deserves that, abuse isn't a answer to a problem. Compassion and understanding is the answer.

But compassion in this day and age seems to be a joke to most people. Those two words compassion and horses, are highly frowned on if used with each other.

Baggage

Baggage, can horses carry emotion and physical trauma with them for life? Many think they get over it quickly and just wipe it under the carpet.

But I don't believe so, I think some horses carry the scar of whatever happen to them, for life. Just like personalities some horses can get over things in a blink of a eye, while others carry it around like a blanket.

How does one deal with a horse that carries baggage? My mare carries baggage and a few tricks she learned when she was boarded a few years ago.

It has been one of the sources of our unhappy period since, it is still there.

When Belladonna came back home in 2006 I couldn't halter her. She see that halter and take off. She is fine if I approach with nothing or a rope. But a halter still sends a nasty vibe through the air and things get sticky from there. In 3 years we have barely improve this issue, we have had no improvement in pulling back when she either scared or throwing a fit. And the issue with strangers has stop improving and starting to go backwards, to the point I worry.

She's a mustang, smart and problem solving BUT she keeps her baggage nice and tight with her. The trust issue with strangers has always been there since I first rescued her, she is wary of new people and will do this dragon snort and I am still waiting to see flames shoot out of her nose.

Last night was a ordeal for applying Eqi-spot, which helps my animals for like 27 days. Better then spray on, but guess what? I did the 2 burros, which one is a shy guy with in 5 minutes. And guess who just blew up and pulled back and acted like the end of the world was happening?

Belladonna made a choice to be a butthead but the whole thing and took 15 minutes to apply the stuff too. WHY? not like this is her first time, but this is her baggage. Halter goes on and she starts flinging her baggage about. It like a little old lady smacking you with her purse, but this purse is being welded by a 800 lbs mare.

Oh I was mad because this shouldn't happen, she grumpy because of flies and should been relived when we applied. Instead I get the fit throwing hissy fit.

Normal ways and traditional methods have not worked, I been trying for 3 years and is one of the reasons why horsemanship has STOPPED!

I asked and read until I am blue in the face and yet she rooted down into her baggage, like a hog in a mud hole.

So here is one of my sources my I am on a new path to find the answers for her and myself. Spiritually I am sinking, and have been feeling lost for a while.

I am unhappy with myself which I reflects into her. Not healthy and probably one of the reasons baggage is still around. I started to read " The Tao Of Equus"

I am just a few pages into this book and love it. I look forward to my new journey and maybe Belladonna and I can loose our baggage in time.

2007 the herd

Doing Nothing

What is doing nothing?

Does it make any sense?

For me doing nothing is just spending time with my animals. I sit around with them, talk, pet and laugh. That might include them being goofy and dragging whatever they can find back to me.

For my mare, our time is important.

we spend time through out the day just being. She grazing and walking and myself going along with her. Yesterday was my first official day of doing nothing, I threw out the ideas of haltering her up.

I did bring a rope, that way I could swish it for flies when we stop under the trees.

Maybe a hour or less we hung out, I follow her and she followed me. The donkeys tried with their might to butt in but soon she was stomping at them and moving them off.

The donkeys were offended that this mare got tired of them, man Colby was heart broken.

For those who are new to me and my herd. I own 2 BLM donkeys and 1 BLM mustang mare. I privately rescue at times and try my best to help unwanted mustangs, burros and domestic donkeys. Belladonna; my mare has issues with other horses. She fights with them all the time until she jumps out of the pen and does her "ha ha ha" dance at them and will not go back in that pen. When I adopted my first burro, she first was afraid. But by the next morning she was mothering the burro, Colby.

From that day on when ever a donkey shows up she goes into fits screaming for them and mothers them. Colby has grown up here kinda ruthless, he thinks he 10 feet tall and bullet proof and will boss any 4 leg around, because Belladonna allows him to act this way.

So when she refuse him yesterday he was shocked, how could this mare of 4 years he known just now cut him off? Belladonna realize that the burros will take me away from her and she fighting it. which is GOOD, because before they could do anything and she just give up.

What does it mean? I am not sure but maybe with her taking some control things will equal out better and right?

I like to also play treasure hunt around the herd, we live on a historical piece of land that at times spits out things like old square nails, pieces of broken pottery, bottles, horseshoes...whatever. So I look every other day for things and if I start to dig, the other 3 will come over and paw.

If I sit and kick my legs around in the dirt (wear pants) they look at me and come on in, I get up and soon they roll.

So on some level I am part of their herd (a small level) which is nice BUT I want to learn and do more.

My mare plays but it usually when she needs to blow steam, she holds it in. I know when she needs a good run and just all out crazy 20 mins of being a horse. But naturally she will play a bit with the donkeys but holds her self back. When I know she ready for me to say "Play time" she strung up tight, she jerky, looking around at things but NOT DOING ANYTHING!

when I gentled her, I taught her that If I was in the pen, calm behavior is a must and only if I ask for other behavior is it okay. So when I play "Chase the mustang" I bend forward and carry my lunge whip behind me. I slowly stalk her and that's when she lowers her head at me and you see the change.

It like dealing with a dog that has issues being alone. she wants to hang out with me and not waste that pen up energy. so it takes me 10 minutes to get her to open up.

By then, she in a full flying gallop, screaming, bucking, rearing. which causes a lot of other animals thinking something's wrong. (I have 2 other neighbors with horses around) and she does a fine job getting the neighborhood thinking that a dragon is around, LOL

But she could be all out running and all I have to do is step into the pen and yell for her and say "easy" and she'll run at me and slow down in 15 feet and by 10 a walk and still respect my space.

Out of everything she respects my space a lot, a point of the finger or a look has her moving away If I think she too close or trying something new.

I have noticed I gotten off track but oh well.

So what is your "doing nothing" with your own horse?

Belladonna April 2008