A Hope

 

every one has had that feeling before, we as people seem to live for it. Through our most darkest hour, a sliver of hope is all we need to get by.

For 3 years I never had it, I completely lost it and started to wonder IF any thing would ever come back to place!

Last week (school started for the kids) my husband thought it be interesting to see how Belladonna would take to him handling her. Well some know that they have a very fine line of love and hate, to the point the mare at times tries to kill him. Belladonna is what she is, a one person horse that tolerates others to a point.

She tolerated the husband through the 30 mins of his play time but every chance she had she look at me with the look of  "Make him stop"

I realized also part of her issues is that I am protective of her and knew I needed to step back and allow this to happen. She tolerated him well but let him know that she ONLY allowed this because she had a mind too, anything else would of resulted in a big fit throwing baggage welding mare who pulls out all the stops.

He is taking the tack off her but you can see her displeasure of him even touching her.

It been 2 years since she worn a saddle and took to it like we saddle up all the time. BUT I am looking to get a English saddle because of her short back.

Again she shows her displeasure of him making her move, He was trying to ground driver her and she was NOT going for it.

Her look of "Make him stop!" and which would lead to her trying to pull away from him and come to me.

I made the mistake in standing near her and she stopped. Do you see how she tighten up and ready to refuse?

Yet there is hope because all through this she TOLRATED it, with out kicking, pulling or throwing a huge hissy fit that would of ended her trying to kick the living hell out of the husband.

Fear

fear is a ugly emotion that rears it ugly head at any moment. But if Fear has been your partner for the last few years? The signs are there yet you pray and hope you are wrong!

What if the horse you see will never be the horse you want? The horse who is your soul mate yet on another level they are the devil's spawn?

The more I think of it, the more I want to weep. Because the signs are there for Belladonna. There in Black & White with no shades of gray. Yet I don't want to loose hope, but when I see and remember the chaos she has brought, I worry deeply.

Do I feel she is safe? For me, for others no! Is she dangerous, as dangerous as a animal who feels she must shut herself down and fight with whom ever.

I have for years been thinking to send her out to people but I won't. I am afraid she'll kill herself or kill some one else.

I have never had issues with her or felt like I was in danger. She always been my friend and partner. soft and at times she can be stubborn but I have never been injured by her. Never a kick or a step on my toe, she is respectful of where I am at.

But let some one else handle her and she becomes the spitting fury of hate, she shuts her self off and will actually injure herself to get away from people. She now tolerates my husband to lead her from one pen to the next and to trim her hooves with some show of  fits.

She is in deep trouble yet again

When you hear your husband cussing and the sound of a banging gate, that is not a good sign.

Yet again Belladonna killed the hot fence this time taking no prisoners and taking off 4 adapters with her fury. <laughs>

Husband was standing on the front deck and Belladonna walked up to the fence looked at him and just went for the (not hot) hot fence. ripping it completely off the fence line and stomped the crap out of it.

So when I heard the husband cussing I raced out and saw that he was picking up the hot tape, I guessed what happen.

and right at the gate stood Belladonna the innocent, acting as if nothing had happen.  Again her behavior has changed more this year then in recent years, she becoming more like a donkey then a horse. She has also grown, I use to be able to look over her withers but now her withers come almost to my forehead. People say horses stop growing by 5, well apparently she took a 2 year vacation on the growth bug and now she growing again.

so when does a horse actually stop growing?

Picture Wednesday

Seeing Change

She starting to change, I been seeing it a little bit every day. She starting to seek me out and come to where ever I am. Do you know how exciting this is for me? I am seeing a bit of my old mare I had 3 years ago and I want to scream to the gods that I have made one small step of victory!

My Belladonna is coming, yet I see where she still holds on to her baggage. My husband pointed out how truly temperamental she is on Sunday. I screwed up my shoulder again so I couldn't trim, I had him trim her. To avoid any of her stunts I fed her during the trim, which she such a food hog I swear I could light a fire cracker on her butt and she wouldn't care as long as she can stuff her self silly <laughs>

She starting to do this more often which is one of her favorite things in the world, little things I have noticed. she gives me her head more and pushes every one away.

<stay tuned for more>